Entry #79 Pandemic Diary Entry # 49 – Worst Fear

Charlie tested positive for COVID! Yes, my worst fear came true! We all needed to get tested because there was an exposure at daycare. I thought we dodged it because none of us felt sick. I spent Saturday, January 15 scouring the internet for a test because in order for Charlie to go back to daycare, he needed a negative test. I posted a facebook rant about how hard it was to get an appointment.through one of the city’s testing sites. I got emails from well meaning friends offering me rapid tests and one friend told me about a private testing site at the airport. We went the next day, tested and went home to quarantine expecting a negative test for all. Eight hours later the results came in; Matt, Hudson and I tested negative. Charlie’s was the last test that came in and it was positive.

Matteo’s quarantine birthday

That was the last blow to an already crappy beginning of the year; My dad spent most of December and early January in the ICU in the Dominican Republic and I found out on social media that my maternal grandmother passed away. It would be nice if the grief junkies gave the family time to relay the news to other family members.

My grandmother Luz & me

Because I tested negative and had no symptoms, I was to go back to work the next day. Matt stepped in and did Zoom school with Hudson and kept Charlie entertained for the 10 days of quarantine. I contacted the kids’ pediatrician, she gave me detailed instructions of what to watch out for. Remeber, Charlie is my premie, born at 28 weeks with chronic lung disease.

I am so grateful that he was asymptomatic. I know there’s a lesson in that silver lining. I have spent the majority of this pandemic preocupied and anxious at the possibility of one of us getting COVID. I have not been able to sleep well since my dad was admitted to the hospital. He is now in his house and getting better but my anxiety and insomnia have skyrocketed. My kids are back in school, we are all healthy and yet, insomnia visits me nightly.

Entry #78 Pandemic Diary Entry # 48 – Zoom School Again – Temporary!

Not how I wanted to start 2022 but here we are. By early December, my January calendar was full of celebratory events and outings starting with a wine down on the first, followed by dinner with Women Who Submit Leadership on Dia de los Reyes, a screening of Bye Bye Birdie with Ann Margaret on 1/13, brunch on 1/15, Matt’s birthday on 1/18, a birthday party, a concert (not cancelled yet but I’m not going to risk it). With the rise in numbers due to Omicron, the plans have been responsibly cancelled and will be rescheduled. The Bye Bye Birdie screening is now taking place on Valentine’s Day.

Hiking on Jan. 2, 2022

Daycare is requiring a negative Covid test for Charlie, we have an appointment tomorrow and who knows when we will see the results. I’m OK with it and keeping both kids home until it’s safe to do so. Hudson has her 2nd vaccine appt. on Friday and I don’t want to risk her getting sick at school before she gets her vaccine.

We spent a couple of days in San Diego, it rained while we were there, I had plan Bs all figured out and spent our time museum hopping; six museums in three days. The kids had a blast and loved staying at the big hotel. We did our best to keep our distance from people including eating the majority of our meals in our hotel room. I’ve enjoyed these last two weeks in our little bubble but it’s time to enter the world – safely.

View from our hotel room

#75 Pandemic Diary #45 Still Here!

Second Christmas under the masks!

I am exhausted! glad to say that Matt and I are boosted and Hudson is getting her first dose next week. Work has been busy, life has been busy with all the school activities, trying to write, trying to work out and not doing either because I’m an anxious mess. I need to chill the F out but that’s hard to do when Matt and I don’t have much of a support system. My sister lives 30 miles away and I know I can count on her but she has her own kids and her own life.

Last month during one of our monthly meetings, my boss did an excersice, he asked us to partner up and write down how we cope when work is stressful. “I look for the good and like Mr. Rogers said, I look for the helpers” I wrote. The person I partnered up with was new and wrote the same thing I did. we bonded over that and spent the time connecting on what we had in common, which I think was the point of the excersice.

There’s been an over abundance of helpers and good things going on at work. The most poignant was a little girl from the Caribbean who was born with a heart condition that if left untreated, she would die. There is no pediatric heart surgeion in her country, the hospital teamed up with the World Pediatric Project to bring the six month old to California and perform the surgery free of charge to the family. The doctor and the hosptital did not charge the family. The baby went back home last week and she is doing so well. That really touched my heart and made me so grateful that my children are healthy.

Yesterday, the hospital hosted the annual Winter Wonderland event where each department puts together gifts for the children who are in house. I’m glad that a modified version of the event was able to take place these last two years. Some of the kids that came through were so sick and yet they smiled and appreciated the time away from their room. One little girl was nonverbal, (she was there for an appointment and not hospitalized), her enthusiasm was contageous, she reminded me of Hudson when she gets excited. She pointed at what she wanted and jumped up and down when her mom picked it up. I heard her loud and clear.

My table w gifts of art supplies

I’m hoping to get some writing done. I recently wrapped up a six week writing class, I need to make the final edits on my essay before I send it out to NYT Modern Love.

I hope to post one or two more times before the year is over.

#74 Pandemic Diary – Hollywood Forever

Yesterday we went to Hollywood Forever to celebrate Dia de Los Muertos and introduce the kids to this beautiful Mexican tradition.

Eating $10 chicken tamales at the tomb of Douglas Fairbanks Sr. & Jr. #OnlyInLA

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Altars

These altars are a bittersweet reminder of how much I miss my mother, my Godmother and my friend Michele. Last year, I created my first altar honoring them as well as my in-laws. This year I could not get it together. I’m taking a writing workshop on Mondays and work has been super busy. I did manage to get most of my kids’ Christmas shopping done so that’s a win for me.

In a few days it will be seven years since Mami passed away. I have lived so much life in those seven years, I won the infertility struggle and am a mother twice over. I spent three weeks in the hospital before giving birth to Charlie and he spent 70 days in the NICU. I feel like my mental surge capacity has overflowed more times than any person should have to go through in such a small period of time. Throw the pandemic on top of that and I am grateful to be alive and healthy.

For the last two – three months I’ve been waking up listening to merengue and dancing my way out of a deep depression. I am in a better place than I was a month ago. I am grateful for the compassion of the few friends I’ve told; they reach out to make sure I’m OK. I have no choice but to be OK, I can’t do that to my kids, my husband and myself. I am getting through this with grace and self-love. I feel my feelings and dance the sadness away. I am working on an essay about emotional surge capacity where I’ll go into detail about my struggles.

Happy Halloween!

#73 Pandemic Diary – 43 I READ a Book!

I recently read the book WHEN WE MAKE IT by Elisabet Velasquez. The last book I read was MEAN by Myriam Gurba when Charlie was a baby. I don’t know if it’s hormones, mom brain or adult ADHD – watch the video so my enthusiasm for this great book can rub off on you too.

#72 Pandemic Diary – 42 First Week of Kinder!

And just like that! My baby girl is five and finished her first week of kindergarten.

Some friends my age are posting pictures of their kids’ first day of college! Some are starting high school and some are still in elementary school but I am for sure the “old mom” but I don’t feel old. I am anxious AF but I don’t think that’s age related. Eighteen months in a pandemic, still wearing masks and it doesn’t look like this virus and its variants are going away any time soon.

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#71 Pandemic Diary – 41 Perspective

I’ve been so worried about my family, making myself sick with anxiety over the unknown; How fast is this thing going to spread? Am I doing enough to keep my kids safe? Is it OK to send Hudson to Kindergarten?

This is my son three years ago almost ready to come home from his 70 day NICU stay; Perspective

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#70 Pandemic Diary – 40 Here We Go Again☹

After all that has been done to curb this pandemic, a new variant has emerged. I feel like here in California things were going in the right direction and on June 1^st, I felt a sense of dread because our state was going to open up on June 15^th and I knew that the progress we managed to make was going to be short lived. We basically had three weeks in June were the light at the end of the tunnel was visible and by the third week of June it started to get further away again.

Truth!

Now, two months after California opened up, hospitalizations are rising, there are kids at the hospital where I work suffering from COVID in numbers that are concerning. At the height of the pandemic, we never had more than three kids hospitalized with COVID.

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#69 Pandemic Diary – 39 About Last Weekend!

Every year, for as long as I can remember, I get a cold in August. This year, as we come out of quarantine and restrictions are lifted, my August cold came in mid-July. I spent last weekend in bed, knocked out, fatigued. I am vaccinated but I know so many people who are getting COVID or one of the variants.

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  My Kids Bring Me Joy!
  

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  So Does My Peach Tree1

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# 68 Pandemic Diary – 38 I’m Reading at Roar Shack Today at 4pm

This is one of those reading series I’ve always wanted to read at, I was so thrilled when my friend Lisbeth Coiman, a Venezuelan poet, invited me to be one of her readers. In concert terms, she’s the headliner promoting her new book Uprising/Alzamiento. The three other writers and I are her opening act.

Roar Shack Reading Series presents the virtual July show on Sunday, July 25 at 4 pm pacific! Join us for an incredible lineup of lit talent as we welcome Lucy Rodriguez-Hanley, Noriko Nakada, Ryane Nicole Granados, Aruni Wijesinghe and Lisbeth Coiman! Don’t miss it!
Join on Zoom here: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89533402409…
The passcode is 567249 See Less

Everyone I love has read at Roar Shack, it’s an honor that Lisbeth extended the invitation and I’m looking forward to this. As with everything pandemic, it’s on Zoom. I am so grateful for Zoom’s ability to broaden inclusivity in the literary community. I’ve participated in workshops taught in Los Feliz, CA, New York City and Austin, TX. I’ve attended more Women Who Submit events and consistently hosted the Long Beach Chapter of Women Who Submit. While I’m looking to attending events in real life, I hope that Zoom is here to stay.